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CONTENTS
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*=-General Jokes:
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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sips it and sets it down a monkey swings across the bar and pisses in the pint. The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player.
The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey pissed in
my beer."
The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it I'll play it."
A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink. A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands.
He then took off his socks and washed his hands. The girl looked at him and says: 'You must be a dentist!' Flabbergasted, the guy responded 'Yes, that's amazing how did you figurethat out ?'
The girl said: 'Easy .... you keep washing your hands' One thing led to another, they migrated to the bed and things became morepassionate. After they were done, the girl said: 'You must be a GREAT dentist!' The guy was very very surprised, and said 'Yes, I sure am a great dentist ... How did you figure that out??'
The girl said: 'Easy ... I didn't feel a thing'
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could
talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
"Yes."
"What else?"
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
"Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijauana before they wrecked."
"Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" motioned the monkey.
Four men got together at a reunion. All of them had sons and they started discussing them.
The first man said his son was doing so well, he now owned a factory, manufacturing furniture. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a whole house full of brand new furniture.
The second man said his son was doing just as well. He was a manager at a car sales firm. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a Ferrari.
The third man said his was doing well too. He was a manager at a bank. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend money to buy a house.
The fourth man just shook his head. He said his son was gay and hadn't amounted to much.
But he must be doing something right because, just the other day he was given a house, furniture and a Ferrari by his friends!
*=-Childrens Jokes:
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What is the difference between the Sun and a loaf of bread? - One rises from the East and the other from yeast!
*=-Clinton Jokes:
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Bill Clinton in a converstion with Monica Lewinsky:
You like another cigar ? asks Bill , "Yes my sweety" replies Monica, "but today I'll smoke it".
Did you hear about the new Bill Clinton Operating System?
A. It goes down all the time, won't clarify the error, but blames misinstalled Starr Software instead, and won't admit to the damage caused to the system.
Q. Johnnie Cochran's advice to Congress regarding impeachment?
A. If the Dress is a Mess, He Must Confess.
Q. Why is Bill Clinton's favourite White House room the Blue Room?
A. You can't corner anyone in the oval office.
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant.The waiter tells them tonight's specials are chicken almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds great, I'll have that", says Hillary.
The waiter nods "And the vegetable, madam?"
"Oh, he'll have fish !", Hillary replies
Q : What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton?
A : Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth and Clinton cannot tell the difference.
During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.
"Will I be acquitted?"
