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CONTENTS
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*=-General Jokes:
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A variation on an old joke...
This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing. About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "Hey, how the heck are you doing that?!" The first
guy responds, "Oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk." "WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below. The artender looks over to the first man and says,
"Superman, you're an asshole when you're drunk."
In the beginning was the Plan. And then came the assumptions. And the assumptions were without form. And the plan was completely without substance. And the darkness was upon the face of the workers and they spoke..among themselves saying "It is a crock of shit and it stinketh."
And the workers went unto their supervisors, and sayeth: "it is a pail of dung, and none can abide the odor Thereof." And the supervisors went unto their managers and sayeth unto them, "It is a excrement and it is very strong such as none can abide it."
And the managers went unto the directors and sayeth "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none can abide its strength." And the directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another: It contains that which aids plant growth, and is very strong."
And the directors went unto the vice presidents and sayeth to them, "It promotes growth and is very powerful."
And the vice presidents went to the president and sayeth, " This new plan will actively promote growth and efficiency of this company and certain areas in particular."
And the president looked upon the plan and saw that it was good. And the plan became policy.
And this is how......................shit happens.
I was kind of frightened when I heard that North Korea had Nuclear weapons.
Then I thought, "They're made in Korea... it's not like they're going to work."
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out. The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out
laughing, fit to bust. The pharmacist thinks this odd and asks his assistant, if the man returns, to follow him.
Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once
more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns.
"So did you follow him?" asked the pharmacist
"I did." replied his assistant
"And...where did he go?" the pharmacist inquired
"Over to your house..." The assistant told him.
*=-Sexist Jokes:
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Yesterday scientists in Canada revealed that beer contains small traces of
female hormones. To prove their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and
observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
*=-Clinton Jokes:
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Clinton was proof of a new study just released....
You can get sex from aides.
What's the difference between Bill Clinton, and the Titanic ??
It is known how many went down on the Titanic.
From the law offices of Johnnie Cochrane Esq, here are the top ten proposed closing arguments in the matter of United States v. William J. Clinton:
*=-Princess Di Jokes:
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Why has Princess Diana always got dandruff?
Because she left her Head and Shoulders in the car.
- from S.Campbell
(because Head and Shoulders is a well known anti-dandruff shampoo in UK)
