|
|
* Bill and Hillary Clinton are attending a Basball match. As the game is about to begin, Bill turns to his wife, picks her up, and throws her
out onto the Baseball field. The President's chief advisor leans over to him, and says " Bill, I think you've misunderstood. I said you had to throw out the First Pitch."!
* Did you hear about the new Bill Clinton Operating System?
A. It goes down all the time, won't clarify the error, but blames misinstalled Starr Software instead, and won't admit to the damage caused to the system.
* Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant.The waiter tells them tonight's specials are chicken almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds great, I'll have that", says Hillary.
The waiter nods "And the vegetable, madam?"
"Oh, he'll have fish !", Hillary replies
* Q : What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton?
A : Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth and Clinton cannot tell the difference.
* During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.
"Will I be acquitted?"
** A man on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."
He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me Officer, what's the hold up?" The Officer replies, "The President just found out he was impeached and he's all depressed. He stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."
"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"
"I've got a lot of folks still siphoning; but right now I have about three hundred gallons."
** A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,
"Ribbit 9 Iron."
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears,
"Ribbit 9 Iron."
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?
The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
"What do you think frog?," the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is amazed and doesn't know what to say.
By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas."
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"
The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, Ribbit $3000, black 6."
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.
He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you.
You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful". The frog replies,
"Ribbit Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
"And that, your Honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."
|
|
